I borrowed this from my friend, AC. It’s really good.
Recipe For Heartbreak
1 large Soul. (Preferrably innocent, free range, and organic.)
1 extra-large Grade A organic, free range Attraction
1 tsp of freshly ground Flirtation
1/4 tsp of Desire
1/2 tsp of Admiration
1/2 tsp of Respect
1 minced Humor
2 cups of extra virgin Love
1 spray of Loneliness
1 cup of pre-sifted Sadness*
1 stick of pure unsaturated Jealousy*
*If pre-sifted Sadness is not available, and/or if you prefer a crunchier variety of Heartbreak, feel free to substitute with coarse Pity. And, as always, for a healthier alternative, feel free to substitute the stick of Jealousy with equal amounts of Depression.
-Gently butterfly the Soul into two equal, almost identical, complementary halves, baring the tender sides and stripping away the excess insecurities and rinsing away any residual shyness. Bear in mind that the more innocent the Soul, the less stripping preparation you will have to do.
-Whisk the large Attraction in a small bowl.
-Generously coat both sides of the Souls with Attraction.
-Combine the freshly ground Flirtation, Admiration, Respect and minced Humor into a good mixture.
-Vigorously rub the Attracted Souls with the mixture of Flirtation, Admiration, Respect and minced Humor making sure both sides have an equal amount of the mixture.
-Place the Attracted Souls in a deep dish and gently pour in the extra virgin Love. Flip the Souls periodically to ensure that they are fully saturated with Love.
-Cover with plastic wrap and place in refrigerator. Let Souls marinate in Love for as long as possible.
-When ready to serve Heartbreak, preheat oven to 98.6 degrees.
-Remove only ONE HALF of the butterflied Soul from the Love marinade by severing the connecting tissue, keeping one half and leaving the other half to the fridge to marinate alone. Be SURE to remove any and ALL marinade from the half you are holding…remove all mixtures also, as much as you can, stripping the half Soul of any Love marinade. Fear not, if allowed to marinate long enough, there will still be PLENTY of Love flavor left in the Soul.
-Immediately spray the barren Soul with Loneliness to replace the lost moisture.
-Spread the cup of pre-sifted Sadness onto a shallow dish, the shallower the better. Coat Lonely Soul with pre-sifted Sadness, making sure to get both sides of the Lonely Soul.
-Place the Saddened Lonely Soul in a deep baking dish that has been well-coated with the stick of unsaturated Jealousy.
-Let bake for as long as desired. Preferrably until the Soul has shrunk and dried considerably.
-Garnish with a sprig of Gloom and enjoy with your favorite romantic comedy and tub of ice cream.